Q: Dear Pocket Parent,

I have a daughter who is 7 years old and in the first grade. My problem is that she has no friends. Well she plays with kids in school but after school there is no one. I can't afford an after-school daycare. I thought about that just to give her someone to play with. She's tried asking friends in school over but usually the answer is no or those kids are in after-school kid care. I've tried signing her up for Brownies, but for some reason there isn't any where we live. I've also signed her up for gymnastics but its only one day a week for six weeks and it's only 1 hour long. No time to even make a friend there. I don't have a lot of money and it's killing me that she has no one to play with. What should I do?

A: Dear Mom,

We understand your concern that your daughter has no friends. After all, you recognize firsthand that friendship is a rich, positive experience full of opportunities to have fun as well as to practice values, manners, self- discipline and communication .

Keep in mind that each child develops at his or her own pace. It is a fact that some children make friends more easily than others. This does not mean that children who need more time to feel comfortable engaging in one-on-one relationships will be friendless and unpopular. Due to a child’s individual personality and temperament, she may choose to cautiously socialize from a distance. On the other hand, she may be hesitant to approach other children if she has been teased or excluded from their activities. An observant teacher will prioritize time to nip this type of situation in the bud.

The best way to address your fears and get a better understanding of how your child is socializing at school is to schedule a private conference with the teacher. Then you can share your concerns and the teacher can discuss the behavior and progress she sees in school (which may be a very different story than what you had thought). Together, you can come up with a plan.

For example, the teacher can give you the names of a couple of girls she thinks would be best to invite over to your house. Perhaps the teacher could make a special effort at school to get the girls together when the situation lends itself, such as working on a special project, thereby consciously nurturing a friendship. This way, there may be a better chance that one of these children will accept your future invitations.

You also may have success inviting "a friend" with her mom to join you in a trip to the mall or a movie or for a picnic and play in the park. In that way, the children will get together and you may make a new friend as well. Then, if you see the kids are having a good time, you can try to schedule the next play date at one of your houses for the following week.

I think you are on the right track to seek activities with other children. The gymnastics program sounds fine. It does not have to last many hours long to be helpful. We empathize with your budget constraints. Keep in mind many worthwhile activities do not cost anything or are inexpensive. Consider inviting some cousins or your friends’ children to play. Or prioritize time to just hang out with your child where other kids might be doing the same: the park, a children’s museum, a local kid’s soccer game, or a school-sponsored event.

Remember, it isn't wise to talk about your daughter's lack of friends while she is within earshot. Beware of the "self-fulfilling prophesy." In other words, you get what you expect…so expect success!

Gail and Jo