Q: Dear Pocket Parent,

I have 2 daughters, one is 4 years old and the other is 3 years old. My 4-year-old to this day insists on sleeping with my husband and I. If she sleeps in her own bed, she needs us to lay with her until she falls asleep. This is very annoying and time to stop. I realize my husband and I started this bad habit by allowing her as an infant to sleep with us. This all began because she was claustrophobic. She had never slept a night in a crib; this is how we found out she was claustrophobic. She begins pre-kindergarten this fall and I'd like to break the habit beforehand. Her sister on the other hand sleeps very well in her own bed. How would we begin to end this situation? Thanks for your time. Looking to hear from you.

A: Dear Mom,

All parents can relate to reaching that feeling when "enough is enough." After all, you said that your 4-year-old daughter INSISTS to this day that she crawl into your bed each night. Often for the parents, it’s a bit of a rude awakening when one night you both stare at each other at your wit’s end, realizing that you have needs of your own. Furthermore, it all becomes suddenly very clear. Although you are bigger, older and smarter than this half-pint dictator, you still find yourselves questioning, "Who exactly is the parent here, anyway?" And so you have bravely decided to take charge. You both agree that it's time for YOU to insist that Mommy and Daddy sleep without company.

However, your daughter will probably not welcome a simple declaration of the new arrangement. Keep in mind, she has been sleeping in your bed as part of her predictable bedtime routine for all of her life—comfortable and safe with Mommy and Daddy right there. So some strategies might be useful in this situation to enable your daughter to sleep in her own bed without you.

First, we suggest that you take advantage of the upcoming new situation—starting pre-kindergarten in the fall. It’s simply a given that new situations bring changes with them. So plan some private discussions or a series of family meetings to talk about what to expect, including the new bedtime rules.

Consider giving your daughter her own alarm clock so she will not be late for school. There are very simple ones on the market that appeal to kids. Many of them have digital numbers that are easier than reading the face of a clock. Perhaps you can spend some one-on-one time shopping with your daughter and she can help choose one. When kids are involved in the solution to the problem, they are more likely to cooperate. Practice working the alarm clock and have your daughter help choose just the right spot for it (next to HER bed). Tell her this is how "school" girls wake up.

You might also ask her what would help her feel comfortable in her own bed. If it’s reasonable (and isn’t you or your spouse), give it to her. Make is very clear to her what is not negotiable, sometimes negotiable and always negotiable. Giving her some control over making choices can help her feel more cooperative and in control of this unwelcome bedtime change. For example, say, "Would you like your favorite teddy bear on this side of your pillow or on the other side? Would you like soft music playing till you fall asleep? …How about a nightlight? You do not have to go right to sleep, but the rule is that you must stay in your bed."

For more information on this, please click on another question we answered entitled, "Keeping a child in his own bed" . Hopefully you can get started solving the problem peacefully.

Stick to your guns and sweet dreams to all!

Gail and Jo