Q: Dear Pocket Parent,

How many hours does it take to raise a child to adulthood? Just wondering what the experts say. I know it is a full time job, but what time is invested as a parent?

A:

I can appreciate your sincere desire to find out from the experts, a "ball park" number of hours that it takes to raise a child to become a healthy, independent adult. I also heard you very clearly say that you already accept this is a 24-hour-a-day job, which of course is certainly not an easy one.

After all, you probably had never had seen the job description before you accepted this very challenging and important position. Consider it now: You are on call 24 hours a day, seven days a week, for 18 years. You can't quit! There are no salaries, raises, or other perks as is the case with other jobs. You will often make sacrifices and "go that extra mile," for which your efforts are taken for granted or even totally unnoticed. You rarely get compliments from the kids for all you do; but heaven help you if you goof up a bit. You will certainly hear about it--usually many, many times. Raising kids is simply not an easy task! You have our empathy because we have been there, too, and like you, are trying to do the best we can.

I cannot speak for all the experts, but here is my answer. The truth is, it would be very difficult for me to determine the number of hours it would take each day or week to raise a child to adulthood. And quite frankly, many children reach adulthood and never become capable adults. This is not always due to poor parenting. The personality and temperament of the child also play an important factor on what kind of adult the child will become.

Remember that your most powerful parenting tool in teaching your children right from wrong is modeling the desired behavior for your kids. In other words, parents can prioritize "X" number of hours hoping to "teach" their kids the lessons they need to learn to become successful adults. But because much of the time children do as you do, rather than do as you say, your lessons may fall on deaf ears, depending on their mood at that time.

So, in my opinion, I feel comfortable telling you that your kids would like your attention as much as you could fit it into your schedule. If you have more than one child, try spending time alone with each one occasionally. By just sharing quantity time together when possible, "quality" moments will result. Those are the memorable moments you and your children will cherish for a lifetime.

Keep in mind the kids are always watching you. So try to do a good job modeling values, empathy, etc for your children. You do not have to be in your kids' face 24/7 to raise great kids. You also need a healthy dose of good luck!

Good luck!
Gail Reichlin