Q: Dear Pocket Parent,

My 5-year-old is very intelligent, but her schoolwork and the stuff she does at home are two very different things. She is not letting her teacher know her potential. I am wondering if she might be getting bored with her studies. The school won't listen to my concerns about this. I told them that she is learning at a first- to second-grade level at home. They say that she has good grades and there's nothing to worry about. I am afraid that if she gets bored with school at an early age that she might not want to have anything to do with it later on. Do you have any suggestions on how I might get them to evaluate my concerns and see if she really is bored with school?
Shel

A: Dear Shel,

You sound like a very good mom who only wants the best for her child as you try to make sure everything is the way it should be in kindergarten.

You have every right to express your concerns respectfully to the teacher and administration as far as clarification of the curriculum as well as the match to your child's performance. And you are entitled to your feelings. When the teacher told you, "There's nothing to worry about," her comment was not very helpful in relieving your anxiety, but she probably meant well.

I assume your daughter is in kindergarten. I can certainly understand as a preschool teacher your wish for her teacher to know how capable YOU have found your daughter to be. Teachers are usually pretty good at evaluating a child's progress during the year. In kindergarten, there are a number of things we look at as far as evaluating what we call "the total child"; these include the academic, social, and emotional aspects of a child's personality and level of development -- factors that are all equally important. I'm assuming she has no problem in these areas.

If your daughter does finish an assignment faster than the rest of the class, you can ask the teacher how she would handle that. It is my opinion that it is OK if she just sits in her seat and lets her mind wander; it's good mental exercise or else it could be perceived as a well deserved "rest". A child needs a chance to think on her own, to imagine, to create something to keep her mind busy. Boredom is not necessarily a bad thing. There are many children who are so programmed with daily pre-planned extra-curricular activities, that they rarely get a chance to play creatively with friends or on their own stimulated by nothing more than their imaginations.

I would ask further questions to the school only if your daughter did not want to go to school on a regular basis...a sign usually indicating that there is a problem of some kind that needs to be addressed. That means that she gives you unsolicited information that she does not like school. If you say something like, "This worksheet is too easy for you, aren't you getting bored at school?"-- you may have set her up to give you the answer you are expecting. If your child really is bored or unhappy at school, most likely she will tell you!

Try to lighten up on your hopes and expectations for this very capable child to perform academically to her fullest potential every day at school. It has been my experience that when a very bright child burns out in the higher grades in school, it is usually more likely due to her feeling pressure that she was not perfect enough or bright enough as she tried her best not to disappoint her parents, rather than turning off to school because it's not challenging enough. Keep in mind that living up to a positive label such as "gifted" can actually become a burden for a child to live up to. Therefore, I feel it is wise to know and be grateful for your child's strengths but not to mention her "giftedness" to the child or to others in earshot of the child.

Doing worksheets and exercises at home is fine as long as it is a fun activity for both of you. If it becomes stressful for either one of you, you will have defeated your purpose of challenging and teaching her.

So in conclusion, since the teacher feels things are going well and if your child is going to school everyday with a smile, that indicates to me she is probably just fine and has plenty of time to demonstrate her fullest potential. Also, you may want to click on the gifted children answer on our web site. This will take you to another question and answer relating to this subject.

Take care,
Gail Reichlin