Q:
Dear Pocket Parent,
What do you suggest for a 4-year-old child who refuses to eat? I have
let her sit as long as 1 hour waiting for her to eat. What should
I do?
Pamela
A: Dear Pamela,
Keep in mind that eating is something that takes place at least formally,
three times a day. So, you may want to think twice about choosing
it as a battleground. The key question to ask, "Is my child getting
the proper nourishment to promote a healthy growing body?" Take
the worry off your shoulders and give the responsibility of determining
that answer to your pediatrician. If the doctor says she does need
to increase the intake of her food, then you must get down to business
to make it a priority that you try to see to it that she does eat
more.
I have a 17-year-old who doesn't eat anything green except lettuce
and it must be with Caesar dressing and croutons. (It must be a particular
brand of dressing, and would you believe a certain kind of crouton
as well?) The doctor says he's healthy, and he hasn't eaten any veggies
except potatoes and raw carrots since he was on baby food.
Are you sitting down with your daughter and eating preferable the
same food? Have you tried to get creative with the presentation of
the foods? If she has a problem eating "green stuff'', please
take a look at the answer already on the Pocket Parent website in
regard to not wanting to eat "veggies". (You
can read that answer by clicking here). There is quite a bit of
info in there that relates to your concern.
Try to get her involved in the preparation and cooking of them. I
taught preschool and mom-and-tots classes for almost 30 years. We
tried at least once a month to cook with the kids. The parents were
amazed at what their kids would at least taste at school. (Some even
asked for seconds!)
When young children see how applesauce is made, or how the peas come
out of a peapod and go into the pot of boiling water and change color
and texture as they become ready to eat, they get an urge to try the
food. Of course at school, peer pressure also helps when some of the
kids say it's good. I was also amazed how the students would eat the
string beans and cherry tomatoes that we planted and watch grow from
little plants. If a child really needs food of course they can drink
certain kinds of protein drinks (appropriate for kids) that have everything
they need nutritionally. Some really like the thick milkshake, others
turn up their noses.
My neighbor is from Romania, she has four children ranging in age
from 10 months to 12 years old and they all eat everything. I can't
figure it out! What has she done differently to deserve four good
eaters? Other than offer everything to the children at an early age
(pureed for the young ones) she says there is no secret, she's just
lucky!
Oh well, I'm sure there is something your daughter does really well,
too...it just isn't eating!
--Gail Reichlin
Suggestions
from other parents:
* Our family policy is that you eat what we eat, but we make it fun.
Two to three times a week the kids get to pick what the menu will
be and help make it. If it is a night that we have chosen to cook,
we make it fun with oohs and aahs with every bite. This gets their
attention and they wonder why we like it so much. Sometimes we just
tell them that this is big kid type food and then they want to try
it as well. If they choose not to eat what we are eating, then so
be it. We do not make special meals just for them. They won't starve
by missing one meal.
--Sent in by a mom with two boys, ages 4 years and 9 months.
* My children's pediatrician was of the old but wise school of
medicine. His advice to me regarding our son who was a picky eater
was this; children are very much wiser about eating then we know.
If you are vigilant about only offering your child nutritional food
(no chips, candy, etc.) then your child will eat what their body needs
and no more. I found this advice to be very helpful, and when I made
sure that the only food choices were healthy ones that also helped
reduce the guilt level for me. If you and child are locked into a
power struggle over food, though, you need to reframe the dilemma.
You, as the adult, need to set the stage and place the limits. You
can do this without a head on collision with your child. If this is
indeed a power struggle, you can give some power to your child by
offering a choice. The choice is never whether or not to eat, but
which thing to eat." Would you like oatmeal or Cheerios?"
(Of course, all the choices offered by you are nutritious.) In allowing
your child a choice you also diffuse the tension about eating. Most
of all, remember, if your child has recently been checked by your
physician and is basically healthy and if you only supply them with
healthy food choices, relax! Your child will eat what he or she needs.
We adults should be so wise!
--Sent in by parent Karen Brenner
