Q: My 3-year-old will soon have a new sibling. Any suggestions of how I can promote brotherly love?

A: It is helpful to realize the reason most sibling rivalry occurs is to get your attention. It is quite an adjustment to share a parent's love with a new baby that needs so much of Mommy's time.

Keep in mind a child will repeat what gets a rise out of you, even if it is only negative attention. For example, your 3-year-old is jumping up and down with his shoes on in the baby's empty crib. He succeeds in getting your attention, as you immediately put the baby down and come running in to yell at him. Just look at his smirk of accomplishment even though he receives a time out.

Prioritize one-on-one time with your youngster, even if only for five mintues one or two times daily. In this way he will get the message that he is still important as he receives your undivided attention. He will tend to cooperate more during the day if he knows his "special time'' with you is coming.

Allowing your child's input in making some decisions concerning the baby seems to help him feel more positive about the new addition. For example, ask "Where do you think we should stack the diapers?'' or "Which wallpaper do you like for the baby's room?'' or "Would you like the baby's car seat on this side of you or the other side?''

Revisit upsetting situations by discussions outside the heat of the moment of the misbehavior. Talking during his bath or at bedtime works well. Both parents and children can listen and react much better when they're calm. You can even use stuffed animals to get a point across by acting out the good or bad behavior. Three-year-olds often like this communicative technique.

Think of the positive side of sibling rivalry: It's a chance for your children to learn how to negotiate and relate to others. Remember, the only way to avoid sibling rivalry is to have just one child ... of course, if you are reading this, it's probably too late for you!

--Gail Reichlin