Q: Our kids are old enough that I want to start some family traditions, but I don’t really know where to begin. Can you help?

A: Family traditions are one of those areas that seem so sacred but yet usually started out to be so simple. Many of us observe traditions even if we have never thought of them in that way. Most of the time we do something once and it works and all of a sudden it becomes a part of our family’s identity. Think about how you celebrate birthdays for example or even what you have for dinner every Saturday night. If you see a pattern, that can loosely be called a tradition, which I define as being able to say, "This is the way we always do it."

In my workshops on family traditions, I offer three components of a good tradition. First, the tradition is chosen. What would you like this holiday or regular event to look like? What is really possible given your time and money constraints? When would you like to start this? Usually simple traditions are easily added rather than complicated or expensive ones. Events or activities that focus on people or values is also a good criteria. I would love to have a tradition of going to Maui each year but that just isn’t going to happen! For married couples, this often opens up a lot of issues about the right way to do holidays so it is best to try to carefully add or subtract traditions in a way that is agreed upon by both of you.

One of our most unique traditions centers on the first day of spring. Many years ago the first day of spring, March 20, was a beautiful 70-degree day. We didn’t have any children yet and I would pick up my husband from work each day. Because of the unusual warm day I decided to spontaneously pack a picnic and surprise him by heading to the park after work. We had a wonderful time and the next year, in spite of this time, a 30-degree day, we took another picnic. 25 years later we are still taking family picnics on the first day of spring.

The second component is that they need to be enjoyed by all or most who will be participating in them. Many of us have endured some traditions that we just didn’t like such as getting up at the crack of dawn on Christmas or preparing elaborate meals of traditional food that no one even liked. It is good to ask along the way, is this still working? Do we still like doing this? Your kids might also have ideas about how they would like to celebrate holidays and shape family routines.

A tradition that got started in our family by the kids evolved around breakfast food. One Wednesday morning I was preparing routine plain pancakes. In a burst of inspiration, I sprinkled a few chocolate chips on the top of them as they cooked. The kids loved them but no more was said until the next Wednesday morning when my son asked, "Where are the chocolate-chip pancakes?" For many years following, the lure of chocolate-chip pancakes pulled them out of bed on Wednesday mornings!

The third component is that traditions need to be flexible. Life goes on all the time irrespective of your best-laid plans. We have had sewers back up on Thanksgiving, cars break down on Christmas, chickenpox arrive during a birthday week! Some traditions that I tried to start just never took off. I thought my older kids would really enjoy driving around to look at Christmas lights…they did, but not with us! That one they much prefer to do with their friends.

We can’t carry around all our traditions the rest of our lives so knowing when to let go of them is also an art. Sometimes kids just outgrow traditions. My eighteen and over crew just aren’t interested in an Easter egg hunt or carving pumpkins anymore. Sometimes changes in our family structure like death, divorce, a move or kids just growing up and moving out can completely alter our most sacred traditions. Letting go of some traditions can make room for others.

Often just asking other families how they celebrate holidays or ordinary days can give you a place to start. Magazines and books abound on the topic. One of my favorite books is The Heart of a Family by Meg Cox, which details traditions for all situations. Brainstorm all the possibilities and keep a list for future years. All traditions are not possible at all times!

Someone has said, "Enjoy the little things for someday you’ll look back and realize they were the big things." Many of our favorite traditions will be made up of doing ordinary things over and over again with lots of love woven in. Holidays come and go but everyday events done with intention may be the best memories.

--L’Tishia Suk
Family Life Educator

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Favorite family traditions