Q: I just heard a news report about a child who was abducted while she was playing with friends. It seems like this is happening more often, judging by the news coverage on TV, radio and newspapers. I’m even afraid to let my child play in our yard now! Am I overreacting?
Worried mom

A: I have been a mom for 25 years and a pre-school teacher for 30. I get very nervous when a see the media portraying how easy it is to lure a child under five years old out of a playground. The parents are scared to death and can actually wind up unintentionally scaring their children in a very well meaning effort to teach them what to do if this happens.

Often parents say more than they need to in an effort to be honest and cover all the bases of what could occur. Frankly, the responsibility of keeping these very young children safe FROM ALL DANGERS (including strangers) belongs to THE PARENT or other adult in charge -- NOT THE CHILD!!!! These young children should NEVER be out of sight or reach of a competent responsible adult.

Street smarts are essential to learn, but this is a process of age appropriate information. One effective way to begin teaching the lesson is by stating the rule rather than explicit scenarios of what disasters COULD occur especially with a very young preschooler. For example, notice how the rule that "You (a young child) must ALWAYS ask a mommy or daddy for permission to go ANYWHERE with ANYONE" covers such warnings as you must never walk away with a stranger when he promises candy or gifts, get in the car with a stranger, or go out of his yard to help someone look for a lost puppy.

I do believe in teaching and practicing even with very young children to yell "HELP!’’ as loud as they can if someone is scaring them so Mommy (or teacher) can hear them right away. Yelling at the top of their lungs is not the normal way we teach our children to behave and communicate, so this is good to practice and even fun.

Although protection and safety skills are necessary, not all strangers are dangerous...in fact, most strangers are not. There is often a very negative, mixed message that comes through to our kids about people in general; this is unfortunate. I think it is okay to let children see their parents be polite to strangers and even extend a helping hand. For example, why not assist the frail, elderly lady (a total stranger) trying to push her shopping cart in the parking lot while holding her umbrella during a rainstorm? This kind gesture is a great lesson in empathy and compassion and carries little risk of danger.

In addition, there are sensible, practical things to teach that seem to work with young children. I always liked the suggestion of telling your child, "If Mommy ever gets lost in the store, look for a mother with children to help you find me." Maybe not conventional police advice, but perhaps even more helpful in that the child may be wandering alone (in more danger) for a shorter time looking for the mom than a man in uniform or the sales clerk behind the counter. Their view of the world is limited to what they can see at literally a very low level. To see what they see, consider getting down on your knees and "walk" around. You may get a whole new perspective on what you feel is helpful.

Find the middle ground that enables you to protect without unduly scaring your very young children with threats and warnings; remember, although the word "stranger" rhymes with "danger", it can also be defined as a friend you haven't met yet!

--Gail Reichlin