Let's face it … soon after you painstakingly rearrange five summer schedules so you, your spouse and the three kids to get away together … panic strikes!

With today's hectic lifestyle, it actually has taken almost two years to pull this off! So the pressure is on to make this a dream vacation come true and nothing less. Suddenly your brain is flooded with racing thoughts of all that needs to be done in preparation for a great vacation.

Where should you go? How do you get there? What do you pack? And who will take care of the mail, the plants, and the dog? Oh! And don't forget about feeding the goldfish! In general, what do you really need to do to guarantee an enjoyable vacation for everyone?

It is a given that you have to do a lot, but most agree it's worth the effort.

"Many family vacations today come with great financial cost, but pay off in a lifetime of memories," says Leticia Suk, Evanston family life educator and mother of four grown children.

Of course you all hope they are happy memories of a glorious shared experience. However, it is a comforting thought that even a rather catastrophic event can become an all time favorite family memory simply because you all survived it together.

For example, do you recall trying to get your three tired, crabby kids off the plane in time to make the connecting flight? In your haste you left the pricey, brand new camera, complete with three lenses and all of the vacation film, under the seat! And then there was the morning you checked out of the motel, on the way home, only to find the car had been vandalized! Half of the stuff in the trunk, the radio/tape deck, and all of the souvenirs were gone!

And what about the camping trip when in the middle of the night you began screaming with itching pain as you were viscously attacked by hundreds of chiggers? The forest ranger quickly came to the rescue as he rubbed you down from head to toe with kerosene to suffocate the critters ... not exactly your favorite fragrance!

And, oh yes, do you remember that trip to Disney World when your 15 month-old daughter spiked a fever to the end of the thermometer? That immediately sent the entire family straight to the hospital at 1:00 am for a not so quick diagnosis (2 hours) of "It's probably roseola, not to worry…you'll know for sure if a rash breaks out in a day or so."

And how about the time you stocked the car with everything your friends told you had worked to keep their kids happy during a long car ride? Only to your surprise you found, after your somewhat draining visit to the zoo in 99 degree heat, the back seat was covered with a melted rainbow of colors, formerly crayons that to this day (4 years later) left permanent stains that are still visible!

You all have experienced those moments…funny now, but not then.

So in planning your vacation this year, first arm yourself with a positive attitude that you can and will handle the inevitable surprises. Set realistic expectations that allow the flexibility to modify the plans when necessary. Bag the guilt and feelings of failure if you can't accomplish all you had planned. Remember that your expectations and perception of the trip's highlights may be very different than those of your children.

Doris, a psychologist, shared the following personal vacation story of how her whole family meticulously planned an educational trip to Washington, D.C. The kids were actively included in the process. Everyone spent time doing their homework as they studied the maps of their driving route, developed a sense of the distance and time it would take, noticed what states they would pass through, decided what to pack, and made lists of the historic sights they wanted to visit. It promised to be a fabulous learning experience. When they returned home, Jane curiously asked her kids, "What was your very most favorite thing about the Washington, D.C. trip?"

Without hesitation they all agreed, "The ice machine in the hotel … those perfectly formed clear, tiny, cylinders with a hole in the middle that fell in abundance with a grinding bang whenever you pressed the button!" This was not exactly the answer she had hoped for. So she continued, "Hmmmm, now think carefully, what was the second thing you remember about your trip to New York?" The kids chatted a while and unanimously replied, "The dinner at the Chinese restaurant when Grandma's plate of food slid off the table and dropped into her purse!" Jane lightened up a bit as a big smile appeared from ear to ear. She chuckled, "Yes, that really was quite funny, wasn't it?"…Proof in itself that kids do have their own way of thinking and don't always learn what you think they're learning, but are nevertheless making memories of their own.

In other words, the bottom line in guaranteeing memorable moments together is simply prioritizing time together to "do your thing." It seems clear that you cannot make quality time happen no matter where you go or how much money you choose to spend. Quality time seems to quite naturally blossom out of the quantity time of just being together.

So, wherever you decide to go, keep expectations reasonable, actively involve the kids in the planning of the vacation and consider reviewing tips that have worked for other families. Most important of all, LIGHTEN UP! RELAX and ENJOY! Let go of the guilt and pressure associated with perfection. Try to accept the fact that your vacation will be an interesting adventure for everyone … complete with its many memorable moments -- some of which promise to challenge your sanity!

Some tips for traveling with your kids

Here are a few practical tips that may help you avoid many of the frustrations and irritations that can arise while vacationing with young children.

* Collect pictures, state guidebooks, maps, and brochures from the library, travel agency or AAA (American Automobile Association - If you are a member you can call the Chicago Motor Club at 800-AAA-HELP…ask for "travel direct" You can also visit any of their stores to purchase their 144 page Travel Activities Book for kids ages 4 and up).

* Send for travel info offered in the travel section of the newspaper.

* Visit www.familyvacations.com on the Internet for more helpful information. Check out some of The Pocket Parent’s vacation web links.under our Cool Links in the index.

* Buy or check out from the library a book by Vicki Lansky called "Trouble-Free Travel with Children-Helpful Hints for Parents on the Go." This book will give you hints on just about everything … definitely worth the $6.

* Schedule some family meetings preceding the vacation. Look at all the pictures and talk about all the options. Ask questions and get input from the kids on their likes and dislikes and tell them yours (a life lesson that we all make compromises for each other and no one can do everything they want, not even mom and dad!) Include each member of the family in making many of the decisions. The planning and anticipation becomes part of the excitement. Decide how you will save things from the trip. Arrange more family meetings after the trip to talk about the vacation and to make scrapbooks, picture albums, edited video presentations, etc. Kids love to collect things that don't even cost anything. For example, matchbook covers, stamped napkins, postcards, small stones, and autographs from the waiters, etc.

* Encourage each child, even a two-year-old, to "pack" their own carry-around bag. Give them a choice of quiet things like small stuffed animals, books, tapes, crayons, colored pencils, pre-packaged snacks, paper, stickers, and games without small pieces. A noisy choo-choo train or a chattering doll will drive you crazy…so use your parental veto power

* Before your vacation begins, take your toddler to visit the airport, the train station etc. so he will be familiar with the sounds, hustle and bustle of the new place. This can minimize fears and bad behavior the day of departure.

* Set reasonable limits on how far you can comfortably and realistically drive with young children.

* Reserve road accommodations in advance. Avoid the nightmare of driving late at night from hotel to hotel, in the middle of a scary storm greeted repeatedly by that nasty light flashing "NO VACANCY."

* Make frequent pit stops for toddlers who need to run around.

* Carry an inflatable beach ball to play with (keep deflated in the glove compartment).

* If possible, carry a change of clothes at all times for a young child (summer outfits take up so little space). Accidents are bound to happen.

* Pack children's outfits including underwear and socks in zipper plastic bags so they can get dressed without bothering you and messing up all the clothes. You can further organize each child's plastic bags of clothes inside a pillowcase from their bed at home.

* When you get to your destination realize that it is not a sin to occasionally split up as a family in order to meet the existing need. Although we all want to experience everything together, when the two-year-old is in the midst of an inconsolable tantrum, no one will enjoy the miniature golfing. So mom can go back to the room, put the child down for a nap, take a bubble bath herself in total peace and quiet and rejoin the family in two hours with a totally happy rested camper (no guilt or regrets).

* If you are visiting an amusement park with a baby or young child who may be afraid of an attraction, take advantage of a real time saver called "switch-off" at Disney and "trade-off" at some other amusement parks. The way this works is as follows: At the point of embarkation, ask the attendant to direct you and your baby (or child) to the trade-off area. You will wait there (there are chairs and space) until your other children and spouse complete the ride. Then he will meet you at the trade off area, take charge of the baby and you can go on the ride from that point without waiting in the hour-long line! Why don't they tell you about this accommodation?

Gail Reichlin is one of the Pocket Parent founders, the executive director of The Parents Resource Network, a veteran pre-school teacher, and the co-author with Caroline Winkler of the parenting book, "The Pocket Parent…Quick Tips and Sanity Saving Solutions for Parents of 2-5 Year-Olds (Workman Publishing Co.)