Q: My two-year old grandson climbed out of his crib about three months ago. My daughter and son-in-law immediately got rid of the crib and put Casey into his "own big" bed. Since then, Casey has not spent a full night in his own bed. My daughter, son-in-law or babysitter put him in his bed and he goes willingly. Then, during the night, he gets out of his bed and gets in bed with Mommy and Daddy. She asked for my advice and I've told her he needs to gently be put back in his own bed each time he gets out of his bed. My daughter agrees, but she and my son-in-law are too tired to keep getting up to put him back in his own bed. How can this situation be resolved?

A: Once the decision is made to move a child out of a crib into a "big boy bed’’, it thereby becomes physically easier for the child to run into YOUR bed in the middle of the night. This behavior can quickly become an annoying routine for parents who need some R&R ALONE!

It’s helpful to try and determine why the child is leaving his bed. For some kids, this is a temporary issue, lasting a few days or weeks, as they occasionally deal with periods of change (new bed, new house, new sibling, etc.) Other children are truly frightened about something (a monster, the dark, a shadow, a nightmare, etc.) While still others seem to want Mom or Dad to help them settle down and soothe them to sleep.

If your patience is wearing thin and you are not getting the sleep you need, it’s time to set and enforce some family bedtime rules. Although it is not easy for an exhausted parent to wake up and discipline the intruder, it is worth the effort toward ending this bothersome behavior.

During a quiet time outside the heat of the moment, talk to your child about the bedtime routine. This in itself helps everyone know what comes next. Repeated discussions of the rules and the consequences will help the child cooperate.

Try to find out why the child is coming into your bed. If the child knows he is scared, honor that feeling, turn on the lights and literally "sweep the monsters’’ from under the bed with a real broom, reassuring the child you made sure you swept everywhere, especially the corners. It is not helpful to tell kids that there is nothing to be scared about because they ARE scared.

Maybe you have decided you are going to sit in the chair in his room until he feels better, but explain you will not talk to him, touch him or rock with him. During a quiet time, discuss with your child what would help him stay in his bed all night. Sometimes kids come up with just the right thing, like "I want to spray all the monsters away’’ (with imaginary monster spray) or "I’d like my teddy bears in bed with me". You, too, can make suggestions, like placing Mommy’s pillow on your son’s bed and his pillow in yours.

Compliment your child if he stays in bed all night. Ask him what helped him to do that. He might say, "I liked the night light next to my bed.’’ Tell him you feel very rested and happy too because you slept all night.

If your child still persists in coming in your bed, consider this plan: Return the child to his bed without talking or eye contact. Make sure you have told him what was going to happen. This first night you do this, you may return him many, many times. The next night the amount of "returns’’ will be cut in half. By the third or fourth night, chances are the child will be conditioned to staying in his bed the whole night, the experts say.

Stick to your guns and sweet dreams to all!

--Gail Reichlin