Q: I have a 3-year-old daughter who has just started crying when my wife or myself drop her off at the sitter. She has been at this sitter from age 6 months. She doesn't want us to leave. She wants us to pick her up and cuddle her. Is this normal for a three-year-old? I thought this kind of thing happens in the first year. We recently had a second girl who is now 7 months old could this have anything to do with it?

A: Dear Dad,

Yes, this behavior is normal for a 3-year-old who is dealing with this new rival for her parents' attention. At least you can be quite sure that the problem is not the babysitter. So, it is helpful to keep in mind that a new sibling often brings feelings of jealousy and well as regressive behavior.

Here are a few suggestions to ease your daughter's anxiety.

At bedtime, talk about the problem. Say, "Mommy and I feel sad when you cry when we leave to go to work. We always come back...right honey? I've got an idea for a special, happy goodbye to Mommy and Daddy. Daddy will give you his special "high five, low five" and Mommy will give you her special butterfly kiss! Let's practice!"

Maybe you could suggest the following: "You know that picture that you love so much of Mommy, Daddy and you from Disney World that we keep on the mantle? I'm going to let you take it with you so you can see us whenever you want!''

You can also role play saying goodbye at the babysitter's (outside the heat of the moment). Use stuffed animals or dolls. I suggest you develop a little goodbye routine. Predictability is comforting to the 3-year-old. Involve your daughter in solving the problem. She will accept the plan better if she helps figure out what will help her say goodbye without crying.

It is also important that she has some of your full attention each day... one-on-one time with each of you or both of you without the baby. This is not easy to do, but well worth the effort...five minutes each day can work. As long as she knows she will have Daddy-Daughter time and Mommy-Daughter time to look forward to she is more apt to respect Mommy-little sister time and time without both of you.

You also can assure and reassure her that no one could ever take her place. Consider telling her something like this often, "I love you so-o-o much. There is a special place in my heart for you and you alone...You are my only very special Angela!'' (I don't know your daughter's name, so I used Angela as an example).

Take her crying as a compliment to your parenting. In other words, she is telling you that she feels loved and wants your attention...all of it, 100 percent of the time and that is normal.

Good luck!

--Gail Reichlin