Q: I have a 3-1/2-year-old girl and I can't seem to get her to give up a nap. She gets up at 8 or 8:30 a.m. and she naps from 1 to 2 p.m. She goes to bed at 9 to 9:30 p.m. If she doesn't take a nap in the afternoon, it is hard to keep her awake in the evening. I don't want her napping late in the evening, or I would have a hard time getting her to bed.
In a few weeks school starts for my older kids and my daughter will have to get up at 7 a.m. so I can take the older kids to school. I know she'll never make it all day until bedtime with out a nap. What do you suggest?

A: Dear Mom,

I admire you for prioritizing time to think ahead, trying to prevent a problem from happening in the mornings when school starts. You are asking about the proper way to take away a nap. That question does not have a "one answer fits all situations" answer.

What I can tell you is what Dr. Marc Weissbluth teaches in his book, "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". If you look at the entire sleep routine as a whole pattern, he believes that it is important to establish a routine that is in sync with the biological rhythm of your child. That means that your child is going to sleep when naturally tired. Because Dr Weissbluth feels that sleep begets sleep, he suggests you can begin to adjust the sleep pattern at any point, such as naptime, morning wake-up time, or nighttime bedtime.

However, it is my observation and personal experience with my own children that it is easiest to change the nighttime bedtime first. In other words, it is necessary to really notice when the child first becomes tired. That is the time that Dr. Weissbluth suggests is the proper time for her to be put in bed. A bedtime of 9:00 to 9:30 p.m. is well beyond the average time that a 3-year-old gets tired.

If you try to decrease the bedtime by one-half hour every few days until you reach the time when you first notice your daughter is tired, you will be on the way to solving your problem. You may find that she first shows signs of tiredness at 7:30 p.m. If you are able to get her into bed by that time, the magic will happen.

Usually a child this age requires a minimum of 10 hours of sleep. So if 7:30 is her bedtime, she could be ready to wake up any time after 5:30 a.m. Then, depending on when she wakes up, she might still need a morning nap. Her body rhythm will dictate how much sleep she needs. By observing her behavior, she will indicate whether she is tired. That will be the key to deciding whether to eliminate her afternoon nap. When you determine an earlier bedtime, such as 7:30 p.m., then is important to put your daughter to bed at the same time every night. This is not always easy, especially when there are other children in the family who stay up later.

If your daughter continues having trouble getting up in the morning, consider starting a little routine that is pleasant to ease the wakeup time. For example, play some soothing music that she likes about 5 minutes before she needs to get out of bed. Consider saying something gentle about one minute before she must get out of bed, like, "Good morning, sweetie. How about a little back rub from Mommy? (This takes all of 20 seconds.) Let's pop into the bathroom and then get dressed." This suggestion would take more planning and time on your part, but will work much better than barking startling commands like, "How many times do I have to tell you to get up? Why are you so lazy? It's all your fault that your brother is going to be late...again! Get over here this minute...or else!"

I have confidence that your problem will be solved with a bit of careful observation, consistency and patience on your part...along with a bit of luck!

--Gail